you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
foreskin is a definite game changer
Vodka?
Forever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize