woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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