I'm really into asian looking animals
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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