break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
