then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
