I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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