woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize