I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
