all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
