I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
