I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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