um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
