i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
