I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
