clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
