Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
