We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
