In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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