he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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