i think my mom watched the whole time
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
