I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
