I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
