Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
