I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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