I think I am morally bankrupt
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
