New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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