Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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