Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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