her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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