Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
