Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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