I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
