Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
