In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
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Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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