Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
