my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
