i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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