I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
