So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
