if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
