It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
