Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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