I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
