I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
