Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
