Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
