We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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