Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
