What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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