She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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