Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
