I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
