My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
