it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
