You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
