I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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