he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
