I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize