he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
