you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
