how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
