I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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