apparently the secret to your success is patron
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
