2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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