on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
