So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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