how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
