get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize