in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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