This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
