somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Let's get the cat blown out
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
