She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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