My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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