Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
