Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
