Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
