***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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